[Review] Bee Simulator – Nintendo Switch

 

Long story, short. Bee Simulator is bad

Want to know why? Read on friends. Developed by a hive intelligence of bees, the astonishingly poor Bee Simulator is the first title to be completely created by non-humans. In a desperate attempt to highlight the declining bee population across the globe, this team of insects have tried to humanise what we, humans, see as, a pain in the arse collection of stinging flying things.

bee01.jpg

You play as a bee called Michael, who is tasked with flying around, bumping into everything, collecting pollen and generally pissing off the public. So simulator is an apt description. As you wrestle with the outrageously bad controls, you will become increasingly frustrated as you bumble (no pun intended) your way around Central Park, flying into things and getting trapped behind objects.

 

Graphically this game looks like an N64 title

Now I put this down to the developers compound eyes, but the amount fog looks like this is something straight out of a John Carpenter film. It’s fuzzy and terribly optimised on the Switch. I’ve never personally been to Central Park, and I am not a bee, so this could once again be an incredibly accurate simulation. My take, however, is that these insectoid developers are just lazy.

bee02.jpg

The gameplay is made up of point to point racing through rings, collecting pollen from flowers and stinging people. The stinging people bit sounds interesting, and in fact on my first go I made a bee-line (pun intended) for a kid (not because I’m an insect nonce) but so I could make the little sod cry. I would have got a better reaction from stinging Christopher Reeves on the leg.

The audio in this game, oh the audio, well let me tell you about it. Actually, I can’t because I don’t even remember it. It really is that good. In fact, it’s so memorable that I forgot. This game may work better on other formats, it’s available on everything, including Casio calculators, although I would wager that it is equally as bad on everything which is a shame.

 

 

Final Words:

Insects can’t make games. Also, I made up the bit about the bee being called Michael because I was trying to make him seem more human. There are far better offerings on the eShop available so save yourself the hassle and try one of those.

 

star-0

Review code provided

nintendospacerPlatform: PC, PlayStation, Xbox, Nintendo
Release Date: 14/11/2019
No. of Players: 1-2
Category: Adventure, Simulation
Developer: VARSAV Game Studios
Publisher: Bigben Interactive
Website: www.beesimulator.com
Twitter: @BeeSimulator
Download link: eShop

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